


tear my heart open

by DianaMoon



Category: Star Trek (2009)
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Community: bridge2sickbay, Gen, Introspection, M/M, Not Quite Gen, Pining, Pre-Slash, Rituals, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-11-24
Updated: 2009-11-24
Packaged: 2017-11-03 10:11:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/380243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DianaMoon/pseuds/DianaMoon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>My weakness is that I care too much</i>...</p>
            </blockquote>





	tear my heart open

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Bridge2Sickbay. Prompt: Kirk/McCoy - _I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut. My weakness is that I care too much and my scars remind me that the past is real /I tear my heart open just to feel_ (Scars, Papa Roach)

Another mission gone awry, another trip to surgery. He complains, always, of his superficial feelings. More work for him and his team, more supplies wasted, more ego boosting to the captain to go along with his foolishness. But deep down, he never lets anyone know how hard it is to cut his Captain open, to fix the broken pieces and ensure all is well again.

He keeps to his rituals, his nurses thinking the finger of bourbon is a congratulatory one, of a surgery gone successful, of saving another life. But they don't know of the sorrow that surrounds it. Liquid burning down, shaking hands holding tight, as he shudders, replaying the last hours, the many ways it could have gone wrong.

Sometimes he wonders why he lets himself suffer with feelings for his captain, his best friend. Then he remembers the good times at the academy, the quiet moments together on the ship, how alive he feels with him around. Every time he sees him now, in his sickbay or out, his heart breaks open, but he cannot dare let it out again. So full of scars, he's not sure if he could ever heal another time.

So he keeps on doing what he's done, complaining and fixing and caring, hoping one day, maybe his captain will see right through it all.


End file.
